05.09.10

Dear Ashden: Month Thirty-One and Thirty-Two

Posted in Love, Mama, Monthly Newsletters at 3:54 pm by admin

Dear Ash:

The past couple of months have been a blur. A stressful blur full of “what? huh? pardon? whadyousay?” You are having some serious issues being able to hear, especially when there’s background noise like when you’re in the car or the bathtub. It was noticeable a couple of months ago, but it seems to be getting worse by the day and it’s scary. Your father and I have taken you to two doctors and are still waiting to be scheduled in to see a specialist. We’re both hoping it’s nothing serious, possibly brought on by an undiagnosed food sensitivity causing some fluid buildup in your ears, but we’re scared. Very, very scared.

I’ll say key words when I’m near you, things like, “Ash do you want some candy?” and I have to raise my voice in order for you to be able to hear me. It’s not like I’m whispering, it’s not like you’re far away- we’ll be beside each other and I’ll say it at a normal volume, and there’s absolutely no response from you at all. No acknowledgment that I just offered you candy, not a glance my way, not a “huh? wha?” from you, nothing.

Please be okay.

You’ve gained a lot of fine motor control over the past couple of months and have even started drawing- ACTUAL DRAWINGS! These are the first two recognizable things you ever drew: The first is a copy of my stick person (you added on another set of arms) and then a pair of boobs. We have your father to thank for that one…

Then, shortly after you drew these pictures you drew on the glass door a “person.” How cool! You did it all by yourself!

I have some big news. It’s taken more than 2.5 years, but you’re finally, FINALLLLY SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! All it took was for me to stop nursing at night… who knew? Yes, the night weaning process was slightly brutal and took too long, but I don’t look back at it with any ill feelings, even though you certainly had a hard time with it at first, and now it’s over and done with and it’s lovely. And we sleep better than ever. I don’t regret nursing on demand for all of those years, it felt right at the time and I stopped when I was tired of it. Also, for the record, I don’t feel ANY more well-rested now that I’m sleeping a solid seven or eight hours rather than being woken up every 1.5-2 hours for a quick nurse.

Nursing isn’t the cure-all like it used to be, though. It no longer puts you to sleep at night (though it does for your naps), and so I think it may be soon time to stop completely. I feel like it’s time (though I have been saying that for months now!).

It’s spring here now, and we’ve been planting in the garden and you’ve been very helpful with watering and watching the plants grow. I am excited for the summer so that we can go swimming and play outside more. You’re very good on your two-wheeler bicycle (with training wheels).

Your father and I love you so much. We love to see you grow and learn and mimic us (the other night we noticed that when I’d lift up the bun on my burger you’d do exactly the same thing seconds after looking at me do it… small things like that). I love to see you learn to read. I love to hear you talk about getting older, “on my next birthday, when I’m THREE, I’m going to get Bill and Ben, Percy, blue Sally and JAMES!!”

You never cease to amaze me, you’re the light in every single one of my days. I love you so much.

Love,
Mama

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