10.09.09
Dear Ashden: Month Twenty-Five
Dear Ash,
You’re 25 months old today! This has been a wonderful month, and I can’t wait to tell you about it.
The month started with a bang, or rather- a pop, because you we had a birthday party here with all of your friends! There was food and helium balloons (hence the “pop”) and toys and presents, even though we requested that there were none. Your favorite present was given to you by your friend Frances, a book called Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel. I think, between your father and I, you have been read this book about 50 times this month, with no signs of letting up or getting bored. You AB-SOL-ULTELY love it. Granted, it’s a nice book, but I would be happy to never have to read it again. Reading any book that many times gets a little boring! Actually, a few days ago we went to the library to get some new books to read, and what did you find, but another copy of Mike Mulligan and wouldn’t leave without it.
Mike Mulligan has brought out a whole bookworm side to you that has never really been there at this capacity before. I have always, always read to you- even when you were an infant. Here you are at about 2.5 months old with one of your first books (and the rooster crowing in the background is another book):
Anyway, we’ve always had a good collection of books, and when I was home with you we read every day, and now your father or I read to you every day, but you’ve reached a whole new level of wanting to read. You’d rather read than do ANYTHING else, including play on your tricycle or plasma car, play with your cars or dump truck, eat, whatever. You got some money for your birthday, and it went to second-hand books too. Our new favorite activity is going to the library and seeking out new favorites. I’ve actually been able to put away your “baby” books because you can sit and listen to the same story for 20 minutes, as long as it’s good. Your favorite books that I bought second hand are anything Franklin the Turtle. I think I found half a dozen of them, and you like them all. They’re your favorite potty books.
Speaking of pottys: THE CLOUDS HAVE PARTED, ANGELS ARE SINGING, ALL OF MY HARD WORK ECing WASN’T FOR NOTHING, YOU ARE POTTY TRAINED!!!
At two years and two weeks, I officially (via Facebook and Twitter) declared you potty trained, after sending you to school without a diaper on and you had no accidents. It took you a couple of days to get fully used to it, but it’s been two weeks now since any accidents, and even at night time and during naps you’re staying dry (the odd time asking in the middle of the night to go pee) and I am SO happy that you’re potty trained during the day, but this night time stuff is blowing my mind. You used to need a three-layer hemp insert to last you through all your pees at night, and even now- with the same amount of nursing, you’re able to hold it for a lot longer.
[For those of you who are interested, potty training worked like this for us:
1. All summer was diaper-free time whenever we were home. It only took about four days of a few accidents (pee) on the floor before he clued in that he should pee on the potty.
2. Lots of reminding him not to pee on the floor, the chair, in his pants. He still says to himself, “no peeing on the floor!” “No peeing on the table!” “No peeing on the cat!” (the last two are his own creations, haha.)
3. At first, we’d stop reminding him not to pee when he was wearing a diaper, but eventually we started asking him not to pee in his diaper. It didn’t really work- something happens in his brain that says that when he’s wearing a diaper, it’s okay to pee.
4. I bought a pair of cloth training pants (Mother-Ease if anyone is wondering) and told him that they were his big boy underwear and that he wasn’t supposed to pee in them. They didn’t work for us. They triggered his brain just like a diaper did and he’d pee in them.
5. We bought real “Big Boy” underwear and he started wearing them at home. Accidents still sometimes happened, and he needed to pee every 20-30 minutes for at least a month. It was annoying, but he didn’t have the muscle strength to go much longer and I knew it wouldn’t be forever.
6. If we asked if he needed to pee, he’d ALWAYS say no, but we’d put him on the potty anyway, and most times it resulted in him peeing.
7. I always paid attention to his cues- was he grabbing his penis? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. Was he holding his butt? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. Did I have a feeling? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. I ignored nothing.
8. After a while of having great success with big boy underwear at home, I took him shopping without a diaper on. I reminded him that he wasn’t wearing a diaper and that if he needed to pee, to tell me. And we spent all afternoon out, with using a public pool’s toilet and a toilet at the mall!
9. The last step was having him go to school with just a few changes of clothes and no diapers, and telling the teachers how often he needed to be asked. After the first day with lots of accidents, his teacher set her watch to beep every 30 minutes, and she took him to the potty. And then, things slowly started changing. He was able to hold it longer. He started going up to his teachers and asking to pee or poop. And now, we have no accidents, and lots of communicating back and forth about whether or not he needs the potty.
10. BOOKS were key to get him to sit on the potty long enough that he could poop. Sometimes we read to him, sometimes he’s okay to sit by himself and look at the pictures, or try to retell the story to himself.
11. I didn’t over-praise him, I have a “pooping on the potty, havin’ a potty party!” song, and I do tell him that he did a good job telling me that he needed to go, but other than that, we try not to make a huge deal about it. We didn’t do stickers or rewards. We really avoided calling his poop “gross” or “stinky” because I didn’t want him to feel any amount of shame or embarrassment. We followed his cues and it took several months, but it was hardly painful at all.
Patience and routine worked best for us.]
Can I just take a moment and brag about how smart you are? You’ve known your alphabet for months now, but you find entertainment in saying it really, really fast. The whole way through, no missed letters, nothing. Your father introduced you to a Leapfrog video (on his sister’s recommendation) called “The Letter Factory” and after watching it THREE times, you memorized each sound that every SINGLE letter makes. It also helped you remember what every letter looks like- you knew a lot of them, but not all of them, and now there’s no question that you know ALL of them. You’ll be reading in no time!
The weather’s cooling off now and so we’re not able to do so many things outside, but we did get to take a family trip to a wildlife park this month. Your favorites were the raccoons and skunks, but we got to see a moose up really close for a long time, and that was wonderful- and was the animal that I was most excited about seeing. It was somewhere that my mom and grandmother brought me when I was a little girl, and although I only have small fractions of memories from it, it’s a nice thought that I’m able to bring my own son there too.
For the most part, you’re a really well behaved child. You usually do what I ask, even if it takes a few times of me asking in different ways, but because you’re basically on a sugar-free diet, you’re not climbing the walls or hyperactive, which makes life with you very pleasant. One day, however, while I was on the phone with my boss, you got very quiet. I found you in the bathroom with the entire roll of toilet paper unraveled in the toilet. I knew that day was coming, and I had an inkling that morning that if it was going to be ANY day, it was going to be THAT day because you’d shown an interest in putting toilet paper in the toilet between your legs just a few hours prior. As I was taking pictures, you decided that it was a great time to flush, so I had to reach in, without a second though, and grab a huge handful of that soggy, disgusting toilet paper so that the flush wouldn’t clog the toilet. Yuck. Then, because I didn’t have anywhere to put it (no garbage with a leak-proof bag), I just put it in the bathtub (!). I guess your dad finally did away with it, because I never saw nor heard of it again. Your dad is a good man.
Nights are the same as they always are, but this month has been great for you sleeping all evening without waking. One evening, your father and I found you here, off your bed and in the closet where you’d landed on some of my underwear and your father’s swimming trunks. We laughed our heads off.
And even though this is a very intimate part of our life, I wanted to record it because I don’t know how much longer it will last, or if I’ll be able to remember just what you sound like in the middle of the night. For the past couple of months you’ve been quite verbal at night, asking and whining for milk and cuddles- whereas before I’d just sense that you were stirring and give you the boob, but now you immediately vocalize your needs. When I’m asked when you’re going to get your own room or when I’m going to stop nursing, I tell people that it’s up to you. This is my proof that you’re nowhere near ready yet.
Your best friend is still Sam. You guys just adore each other. I love seeing how excited you both get when you spot one another. Sam’s first instinct is to run towards you, and your first instinct is to run AWAY, almost as if you can’t stand the sight of him because you’re so excited.
You and I have been alone for a few days, your dad is in NJ on business, and I thought I’d be really worn out and be annoyed at being the only parent, but you know what? I’ve surrendered to this responsibility, and I feel like you and I have laughed together more usual. I ENJOY having you all to myself. I ENJOY getting up in the mornings with you. I ENJOY every single second with you, having our meals together- just you and I. Sure, we both miss your dad, and drop offs at day care are extremely hard for both of us, but I really feel lucky to have all of this time together. You’ve skipped naps two days in a row at daycare which means you’re ready to sleep much earlier than you usually are, and I actually find myself sad that you have to go to sleep so soon, because I just want to see more of you.
Ash, your smile makes me feel so good. So good about being a parent. So good about my relationship with your dad. So good about the world. I look at this smile, this smile that was brought on by a stupid Christmas fridge magnet, and it reminds me that there is hidden happiness is everything, and sometimes it takes an innocent two year old to see it. I feel so lucky that I have you to open my eyes.
I even love your fake smile.
I love you.
Love,
Mama
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