02.09.09
Dear Ashden: Month Seventeen
Dear Ash,
You’re 17 months old today and that’s pretty darn close to two years and I’m astounded at how fast our lives are going and can you please slow down? You’re a far cry from the little baby I held in my arms for the first time so long ago.
I guess I may as well get it out of the way. I knew it’d happen, I have mentioned it in several past newsletters, but here it is: You swore for the first time this month. You said “fuck.” Oops. So, here’s how it happened: I was walking with you in the sling on the way back from the grocery store and I realized I forgot the Certo I needed to make strawberry jam, and I muttered “fuck.” Immediately after it came out of my mouth, you followed up with, “uck. Uck. Uck!” I ignored it, hoping if I didn’t make a big deal about your new word, that you’d forget it as quickly as you learned it. I wasn’t so lucky.
At dinner that night, you started up again. “Uck. Uck. Uck.” And your dad looked at me and said, “Did you say fuck in front of him?” I sheepishly said, “yes.” “Is that what he’s saying right now??” “yes.” Oopsie.
I believe I’ve mentioned your best friend Sam. We see him at least twice a week, and even though he’s not as much of a talker as you are, you guys really get along well. This is the reason why we live in a city and not in the country like I always imagined I would at this stage in my life. I love that you have friends and regular play dates. Even though I long for country life, my childhood was spent lusting after having neighbours to play with, so that’s what I’m giving you.
You’ve learned how to drink out of a normal cup really well this month. As long as I don’t put a lot of water in it, or leave it on your chair (you like to put your food and utensils in the cup and make a stew… who can blame you?), you’re good.
You’re usually a very neat eater, but this month you’ve started liking spaghetti sauce and so that makes for a much messier meal. Also, you have a huge love affair with apple sauce and I hear “Apple! Apple! Apple!” every time I open the fridge and about 1928393 other times throughout the day. I can’t wait until you’re a little bit older and I can bargain with you; ten noodles and THEN apple sauce. Right now, you just hear “apple sauce.”
You have more words than I can count now- probably a couple hundred. You try to say anything I ask you to repeat, often times getting it right. You label everything on your body and on mine. You know where the eyes, nose, cheeks, eyebrows, eyelashes, chin, forehead, arms, legs, toes, and your favorite- belly button are. You even label your penis when you see it while you’re in the midst of diaper changes, on the potty or in the bath.
This month your father and I took you skating, which is something your dad has dreamed about since you were in the womb. Your dad plays hockey at least once a week and has loved playing since he was a little boy. We bought you a pair of strap-on skates at Canadian Tire and took you out for about half an hour one afternoon (it would have been longer but it was really cold that day), and as soon as your skates hit the ice, there was a smile on your face. You absolutely LOVED it, much to your father’s glee, and didn’t want to stop. You moved your feet quickly across the ice, feeling how slippery it was, and giggled and giggled.
Your grandparents came to visit you one Sunday (we tend to see them nearly every weekend) and they took us to a museum with an 86-year old turtle and other displays with snakes and frogs and fish, and you had a blast looking at everything. There were many other displays with stuffed animals, huge moose and a bear and its cub. The bear exhibit had a sound feature that would growl and it scared you! You’d run into my arms when you’d hear it and didn’t want to go too close. I’m glad I’m not the only one in this family to have a fear of bears! Before you were born I came into close contact with a fairly young bear and my knees were literally knocking together and my entire body was shaking for an hour.
You love animals, all animals. We have a book that has photographs of lots and lots of them, and you can name (or point to when I name them) almost all of them- from zebras to bisons to bugs to fish. You can tell the difference between rhinos and hippos, between butterflies and dragonflies. I think my favorite word of yours this month was “cockroach” which you said with such clarity it startled me! When asked, you can point to the beetle, the fly, the ant, the spider- getting it right every time. It’s amazing! You have far more understanding of things than I thought was possible at this age. I attribute it to lots of repetition and reading books from a very early age.
You love spiders, and I have no idea where this interest came from. I don’t think you’ve even seen a real spider before. One day this month your grandmother came up to take care of you so that I could do some work and you spent half an hour or more just looking through books to see if they had spiders. You’d flip each page and say, “no spider, no spider, no spider” and then if you found one, you’d shout, “SPIDER!” Even if it was just a dot on a page, you’d somehow know if it was supposed to be a spider.
Some of your favorite things to do are: chase me (or your dad) around the house playing monster (or be chased, especially), play inside a large box in our living room, colour with markers, eat seaweed crackers, watch animal videos on youtube, read books, play with your friends (we have a playdate every Friday), eat applesauce, play with your trains and cars, ride the bus, make assorted animal sounds, roughhouse on the bed, play “Ring Around the Rosie” and try on hats and look in the mirror.
Another breakthrough happened this month: you know where things are supposed to go on drawings. If I draw a snowman, you know where the bellybutton, hat, arms and facial features are supposed to go; although you don’t know how to draw things yet, you will be very deliberate in where you put your marker (or magna doodle pen) and will mark exactly where things are. It’s all scribbles right now, but you have all the right intentions. I didn’t even have to teach you how to do it- it was just an experiment one day to see if you could draw, and lo and behold, you got it.
Your father and I made the big decision this month to try to give you a younger brother or sister. This was a huge deal for us, and it took some convincing for your dad to be on board. He loves being able to give you all of his attention, and so do I, but I think the quality of your life will be so much better if you’ve got someone a couple years younger to share it with. I hope it works out that way!
Along with that decision came the reality that I was going to have to go back to work so that we didn’t ruin ourselves financially. This means that you’re going to have to go to daycare, something I never wanted to have to do, and it means that our time together as it has been for the past 17 months is coming to a close. We only have another six weeks left of this life, and I can hardly think about it coming to an end without getting teary. Though I’m looking forward to spending more time with adults, your development and the things you’re exposed to has been my number one priority (and will continue to be so, just in a different way) for so long that I can’t imagine our lives any differently. It’s unfathomable to think about you having your own little life, things that I won’t be able to share with you. I know it is bound to happen sooner or later, I just don’t know if I’m really ready for it yet, and I’m not sure you are either. You’re going to have fun at daycare though. You’re an independent boy who loves playing with other people’s toys and being around other children. We’ll still have our mornings and evenings together and I will look forward all day to curling up beside you in bed, as you ask for “miwk.” Just another reason why I love cosleeping.
For now, my beautiful son, I plan on soaking up every last day together, while I still have you all to myself. You are the most amazing creature I’ve ever met. You’re so insanely smart it’s a joy to watch you grow and learn and repeat words I say and play with you and hear you laugh. You crack me up every single day, and for that I thank you. You continue to bring me so much joy that it’s hard to imagine that I was happy before you came along. The hard times are hard, as you’re starting to push limits and get upset when I refuse things, but the good times make up for all of it.
Thank you for showing me just how beautiful life can be. I love you.
Love,
Mama
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