01.31.08
My Boys
01.28.08
LOVES drinking water
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been letting Ash drink a small amount of water almost every day. He initiated it, reaching out and grabbing for my glass, and he LOVES it. I think it’s partially because it’s cool on his gums, and partially because now is about the time when babies start noticing the eating habits of those around them.
You can hear the clink of the glass on his teeth, and it’s absolutely adorable. He’s getting better and better at the concept of drinking- thrusting his tongue outwards less and less (because that’s how he has to do it when drinking at the breast).
01.23.08
A HUGE Milestone: Teeth
I had to hold back the tears today at lunchtime in a restaurant with my sister when I realized that Ash had cut TWO teeth overnight. I had no idea. He’d been sucking his bottom lip in the past couple of weeks, but I figured I had another six weeks before this milestone, as he’s only 4.5 months (to the day). I can only hope that the rest of his teeth come in this easily and painlessly.
I finally was able to let the tears flow when I came home and nursed him to sleep. I’m not ready for him to grow up.
01.12.08
A Video: Down by the Bay
Do not press play unless you want to hear my not-good singing voice. As mentioned before, Ash’s new favorite song is Down by the Bay. This is what I hear as I fall asleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. JESUS. H. CHRIST.
01.09.08
Dear Ashden: Month Four
Dear Ashden,
Today you turn four months old. You have developed a love affair with your fingers. It is comparable to your love of the boob, and I say this only because there have been a couple of occasions lately when you’re nursing and suddenly I hear a sluuuurp suuucchhh noise, and it’s because you want both of them in your mouth at the same time, and you’ve managed to wiggle in an index finger along side my boob without me noticing and now you can’t eat properly. Sometimes I offer you the boob, and you reject the offer by stuffing even more fingers inside your mouth. If they offered delicious milk, you wouldn’t even need me anymore.
Up until this month, you weren’t very interested in things, probably because you didn’t have the coordination to play with things. It was like swinging in the dark until a couple of weeks ago, and then BOOM, you grab, turn pages of books, and successfully put things in your mouth every time you try!
Your looks change on a daily basis, I swear. On December 12, you looked like this:
And a couple of days ago, your looks had completely changed into this:
It’s more than your hair, which is growing like crazy, your entire face has changed. I can’t tell, because we spend nearly 24 hours a day together, but looking back at old pictures I can really see the differences.
Speaking of your hair, it’s really soft. When we sleep together it often tickles my face, which would normally annoy the crap out of me, but because it’s you, it feels like pretty butterflies kissing my cheeks. Sappy, but true. Your hair is funny- you were born with a fair amount of hair- and the stuff at the top fell out, leaving you with an old man haircut for a while. Now it’s much longer and the stuff on the sides and bottom is falling out which leaves you with a natural mohawk. Your father and I are extremely proud that you’re punk rock without even having to try.
God, do you ever smile a lot now, and you’ve even started “giggling” (even though most people wouldn’t call it a giggle, but instead a loud inhale accompanied by the biggest smile you can muster). It’s the best part of being a parent thus far. Sometimes when you wake up really early in the morning (lately it’s been about 6am), and I reallllly don’t want to wake up yet, let alone entertain you and change your diaper, you look over at me and I look over at you, and you give me the biggest smile and everything changes. Suddenly, I can’t wait to pick you up and bring you to another room so I can have you all to myself let your father sleep uninterrupted and change your diaper so I can feel your soft skin and read you books. With that first smile I realize just how much I missed you, even though you have been by my side all night, nuzzled into my chest.
You’re getting extremely strong now, too. We weren’t parents who put a lot of focus on tummy time and getting your neck strength up, so it was only this month that you’ve been spending a lot of time on your belly in part because we put you on it more often and more so because you’ve learned how to roll over. When you first did it, I was your cheerleader: GO BABY! And then, seconds later, I realized that, “awww, shit, my life just got so much harder.” No more leaving you for a minute on the bed while I run and get your diaper. You used to just stay where you were, now you’re on your belly literally within three seconds, whether I put you on the floor or bed or couch. And you get frustrated very quickly! Like, you don’t know that YOU put yourself in that position, as if it’s MY fault!
Your neck got strong very quickly. One day, you’d just lay there, with your head to the side (and sometimes just with your face planted into the mattress, with me quickly coming to your rescue), and then the very next day something clicked and you realized that your arms! They could hold you up!
Since you were two months old you’ve loved putting weight on your legs, and when I was thinking of xmas gifts your father could buy you, I suggested getting you a used exersaucer, and damn, it was a great idea. You LOVE that thing. The way you look at me when you’re standing up- with such pride, it’s as if you know you’re doing something really great, and you want my approval so much, and when I give it to you, you just BEAM. I will say that the exersaucer is also great for me- I can now cook with two hands instead of just one!
When we first gave it to you, a few days before xmas, you weren’t interested in the activities that it offered- if anything, you’d accidentally press the keys that play one of three annoyingly high pitched songs or chew on the plastic telephone. But now, only two weeks later, you’ve started turning yourself around and playing with almost everything that it offers. I also give you your stuffed Nemo, a couple of measuring cups and a rattle ball for you to play with (chew on). You get frustrated with being in there after 15 minutes or so, but by then I have usually completed whatever task I needed to do and miss holding you anyway, so I lift you out and you stop whining immediately.
When we go out and I put you in the sling, you get SO MUCH attention. I wish you didn’t, because when people see you and your bright eyes, they just want to touch touch touch, and HELLO! It’s cold and flu season! I wish I could smack their hands away from you and tell them to get their germy hands away, but I don’t. Instead, I try to convince myself that it’s good for you to be exposed to a few germs to boost your immune system.
People always say the same thing: how attentive you are, how much you look around. Yesterday you stared a guy down while we were riding the bus, and I pretend I don’t notice that you’re staring at people because really, what can I do? And he waved his hand in front of your face (from his seat while we were standing up), and I looked at him and smiled. I guess you were pretty intense.
This month, of course, also held your first Christmas. We’re not religious, so the day wasn’t special in the traditional sense, but was still special. We spent the morning at home and opened up presents from your father’s family (books from your Grandmother Lala and Papa John and a gift certificate from Aunt Tina and Uncle Brian and a little pop-up toy from Caleb and Myah- the same model we gave Myah for her birthday, I think), a educational toy (some kind of sorting plastic and fabric thing) from me, and then we headed to your Nanny Hyde’s house for the afternoon. It was my first xmas with her in five years, so it was nice to be there. We spent the afternoon eating and opening presents- you were extremely spoiled. You got everything from an xylophone, similar to the one that I got for my first xmas, to wooden blocks in a wagon, to a ride-on toy that will “grow” with you when you are much older.
Your favorite gift was from your grandparents, and it is the Jolly Jumper. You didn’t know WHAT to think of it the first time you tried it, and the expression on your face changed every second. Happy-sad-confused-horrified-scared-joyful-terrified-excited-apprehensive…
But it resulted in one of my favorite pictures to date:
In the past week, you’ve really started making a lot more noises. You’ve always been pretty vocal, with small coos and sighs and noises, but now you’re babbling. More and more every day, and a lot of what you say sounds like “mommy” or “mamamamama” and, even though I know you don’t associate those names with ME, per se, I still loooove to hear you. You sound like a baby now, and it makes me realize that you ARE one.
I’ve mentioned before that it’s hard for me to look at you as others do- as a pretty small baby- because I spend so much time with you and I think you and I have a pretty good communication level, and I know what you want before you get upset with me (therefore, very little crying- as crying is a last resort with ALL babies), and you seem to know what I’m saying, if only because of my exaggerated facial expressions and tone of voice. But when you’re testing out those vocal chords and experimenting with different sounds and volumes, squeals and moans, you sound like a baby, mostly because it’s a new thing. I love it because it makes me realize that you’re still small.
Last week I took you over to see a brand new baby, Sophia- who was five days old and born to a couple that we just met in early December. Sophia was tiny. T-I-N-Y. Yet, she still weighed more than you did when you were born. I cried that night, while lying beside you, because I don’t remember you being that small. I know you were once that small, with delicate feet and a small little head, but I have very few memories (and even then, they’re very foggy) of you being that new. Please feel free to grow a little slower, because what people keep saying to me is true: it goes by too fast. I love you this small, I love that you can lay comfortably with your head at my head level and rest your little feet on my thighs at night. I love that you’re only 15 pounds, but you can hold your head up and you’re still small, but strong enough to carry you around easily. I love your little pajamas with feet, your little belly and your strong arms. Your bottom is absolutely spankable, your skin is so soft. I love your gummy grin and your fat little cheeks.
Every day is better than the last. I just want the days to last longer because I feel like my love is too strong to fit into the short 24 hours. I am enjoying it while it lasts and I hope you are too.
Love,
Mama