12.09.07
Posted in Love, Mama, Monthly Newsletters at 1:50 pm by mama
Dear Ash,
Today you turn three months old! A couple of days after you were born someone said to me, “The first 3 months will feel like some strange sleep deprived acid trip, but they’ll be gone before you know it and you’ll be pining for the newborn days,” and nothing, NOTHING, could be more true. I’m actually astonished at how much I crave to revisit you as a tiny little newborn. Seeing you grow makes me want to have 100 babies, all brand new, because there’s nothing sweeter than having that little baby sleep his best sleeps while laying on your chest. Which you’ve grown out of and do not enjoy at all anymore. I’m trying not to hold it against you.
You’ve really grown up, and I know I’ll laugh at that statement in a year when you’re walking around and talking, but this is the biggest you’ve ever been, and it’s really astounding. Your thighs are quite pudgy! Every day when I pick you up and carry you around, my arm starts to ache after a few minutes, and I wonder when in the hell THAT started because you’re still supposed to be so small! Part of it feels like the fastest three months, and part of it feels like I’ve never lived life without you. The life before you? I cannot remember.
People have stopped saying, “What a tiny baby!” or “What a brand new baby!” about you, when I take you out. This, more than anything (except the ever-growing collection of clothes that you no longer fit into) is what makes me realize just how much you’ve grown. You’ve probably nearly doubled in weight by now, which is so hard to believe because I can hardly remember you being small. “Mommy brain” has kicked me in the shins, knocked me down and left me for dead, by the way. Your father will often talk to me about something and ask me if I remember discussing it before, and I will have to honestly answer, “No, not at all,” and he’ll just shake his head and wonder what happened to the organized, controlling Gillian. Yesterday while paying for paper towels at Shopper’s Drug Mart, you coughed and distracted me for literally two seconds and instead of giving two toonies to the cashier, I put them back in my pocket. I didn’t even realize what I’d done (I have absolutely no memory of it happening, actually) until she gave me a weird look and said, “I need those.” I took them back out of my pocket and mumbled about how you distracted me, then I left the store and wondered
what the hell just took place? I don’t even remember putting them back in my pocket, but there they were.This month you’ve drooled. And drooled. And drooled. It started at the beginning of the month and I don’t expect it to stop for many more months. I think it’s adorable, and I never mind when it happens to land on me. My favorite is when I lay on my back with my legs up in the air, knees bent, with you laying on the top of my calves, looking down at me. You are extra drooly then, and it always lands on my shirt. But you smile at me as I move my legs up and down and back and forth, closer to my face and further away. It’s a modified and more fun version of Tummy Time.
You’re able to control your body a lot better as well. Prior to this month, your arms used to flail around, you only being able to control them for a couple of seconds at a time. It’s rare that you hit yourself in the face now, which is great. You love sucking on your fists, and sometimes get very frustrated with your hands because they don’t seem to do what you want them to do- whether you want them all the way in your mouth or away from your mouth, or
why can’t these stupid things pick up the toy so that I can chew on THAT instead?? You’re getting better and better at coordination, and it’s great to see (but, again, it’s sad because you’re not that little baby anymore!)
I’ve started reading a book, THE book on Elimination Communication, and even though I’m not even done half of it yet (there are not enough hours of the day, or naps IN the day), and I haven’t reached the “How To” part yet, I’ve started picking up your cues for when you need to poop, and instead of just letting them happen in your diaper, you’ve been pooping in the toilet. The only time in the past week (since we started) was a couple of times you went outside the normal signs and time of day and pooped, and one morning when your father and I were too tired to get up out of bed. I made him change the diaper, of course. That’s his job on the weekends because I have to do it all week.
You’ve also graduated into cloth diapers this month. I bought six of each of the Fuzzi Bunz and Bum Genius, and although they’re bulkier than the disposables, therefore I assume making them a bit more uncomfortable for you, it’s better for the environment and better on our wallets, so I’m happy. Plus, they don’t have Elmo or Bert on them, and that makes me like them a lot more.
You’ve become interested in THINGS this month, your favorites being “Squishy the Turtle and Friends,” which is a cloth book with a crunchy cover (once I showed you that you could make the crunchy noise, you did it all by yourself, and continue to do it without prompting or further demonstration from me), that we got from your Grandmother Lala at your baby shower. I read it to you 5-10 times a day (by “read” I mean “recite”) and when you’re in an especially good mood, you “whoo whoo” after every page.
“Whoo whoo” is your way of speaking, which has started only in the past week or so, and it’s the closest noise to words you’ve ever made, and you tend to make it when you’re happy. You kind of sound like an owl. It’s very adorable.You also like a little firefly toy whose eyes light up and makes a variety of noises that you got during another one of our baby showers. It’s got stiff fabric wings that you like sucking on. I can put it in your lap, and you clumsily try to bring it up to your mouth. Most often it ends up at your toes, so I have to put it back into your lap, but you’re getting better and better at manuvering it into our drooly mouth.
You also have a glow worm, a toy that I remember having as a kid, and its light up, orange face brings back memories from my childhood and also makes your eyes widen and you focus hard on its big eyes as it sings its various four songs. If you’re grumpy, I press the button on its chest to make it light up and sing, and you come to attention right away, and stop fussing.
I’m 99% positive you’ve developed an allergy. I’m pretty sure it’s to dust, even though our apartment is new and so are our mattress and pillows and everything else we own. For the past couple of weeks you’ve woken up at 4am nearly unable to breathe because you’re so congested. We bought a vaporizer and it did nothing, we took you to the doctor and we were told that you’re too young to have allergies, but every time you’re near the bed for a long period of time, you get puffy red eyes, small red dots on your face, you sneeze and your nose is very congested. Another big sign is that you rub your face into the mattress every minute or so, or when I hold you, you push your face into my shoulder. If you had absolute control over your hands, I’m sure you’d be rubbing your face. To combat this mystery allergy, I bought all natural laundry soap and will spend today washing everything you and I own or come into contact with, with that soap. I also am going to buy a hypoallergenic mattress cover as soon as I can. I feel so bad for you. Allergies are something I didn’t expect: no one in my family or your father’s family suffer from them, which is another reason the doctor ignored my concerns. I will call her back this week to see if she can refer me to some kind of allergy specialist to get you tested. I refuse to not be heard over this.Your allergies make you unhappy, but there’s one thing that makes you cheer up immediately: standing. For the past six weeks or so, you’ve wanted to do nothing but stand up. You LOVE it. I limit the time standing because I don’t think it’s great for your hips to have that much weight on them, but we do let you have some standing time (mostly when I lay on my back and hold you up so you can stand on my belly) every day. Your little feet go crooked, so often times you’re standing on the outside ridge of your feet, but you’re getting better at putting all the weight on the entire sole of your foot.
This month was also a fun month because you got to dress up in your Santa outfit that your Aunt Tina bought you, that I initially laughed at- because I’m not very holiday oriented at all. I couldn’t really care less about Xmas, but we thought that because we’re a family and because we have so many relatives who live far away, it would be nice to make an Xmas card to send out. It was fun setting the stage with presents and your first teddy bear, and then photoshopping the picture (your father did a great job- though I did have to convince him that having a background of a large snowy mountian was TOO cheesy). After you went to bed that night, your father and I kept going through the pictures that we’d taken earlier that day and laughed and laughed and couldn’t stop saying how absolutely ADORABLE you are.
You have lots of
outtakes!Last night your father and I left you for the first time. Auntie Ambee and Oliver came over and babysat, and you surprised them with how easily you fell asleep after a bottle of warm milk and a clean diaper. For 45 minutes. And then you woke up and wouldn’t stop crying. I warned them that you’d wake up a couple of times, and to just go in, put your soother back into your mouth, keep the lights off and just shhh you back to sleep, but it didn’t work, for whatever reason. I called while you were crying, just before we left the ADP staff Xmas party, and every molecule in my body wanted, no, NEEDED, to be near you. I expected to miss you, to think about you the entire time I was gone (which is what happened), but I didn’t expect to feel it physically- this desperation to hold you and comfort you. Oliver said, “take your time, don’t rush home,” and I just laughed… haha! As if I could possibly stay out now that I knew how upset you were, that you were crying and couldn’t stop.When we got home you’d calmed down, and I could see the relief in Ambera’s eyes, and you seemed relieved to see us again. We kept you up for a little over an hour, just to make sure you knew we were there and so I could feel better about leaving you (oh! The guilt!), and I hugged you a little closer all night.I feel sorry for your father, because I don’t think he and I will be going on another date for another three months or so.
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