10.30.07
I Hate Pumpkins
10.09.07
Dear Ash: Month One
Dear Ash,
Today you turn one month old. Never has a month gone by so quickly for me. Each day you become more and more beautiful.
Even though you’re brand new, you’ve got some very obvious likes and dislikes:
Nothing calms you down faster than water. You absolutely love the bath. You had your first bath when you were only a couple of hours old, by our nurse Bette in our hospital room. Six days later, I brought you into our bathtub at home and gave you another sponge bath because your belly button was still attached and I didn’t want to get it wet. Even though you were cold, you didn’t cry. Since then, your father and I have given you a bath every second night. If I could, I’d give you one every day, simply because you love it so much, but I don’t want to dry out your fragile skin. After I wash you and shampoo your hair, I let you float around the bathtub, holding your head and keeping your body steady. Your face goes blank, and you kick and punch lightly. After the bath, I sometimes give you a massage with oil, I wrap you tight in a blanket, nurse you, and you’ll be asleep within seconds.
Sometimes when you’re fussy, all I have to do is lay you in your bassinet in the bathroom, turn the bathtub tap on slightly, and you’ll shut up and lay there listening to the water. I feel very fortunate that you love water so much, because I actually get to shower every day using this strategy. I can take a 10 minute shower, probably even longer, if I want to, because as long as there’s the sound of water nearby, you’re happy.
We took you to a public pool the other day on a play date with our Doula, Shannon, and even though the water was a bit too cold for you, you still didn’t cry. You floated around, not with the same calm look on your face as when you’re in the bathtub, but you still didn’t verbally complain. This love of the water has been passed down from both your father and I, and we couldn’t be happier.
When you were two weeks old, we “Christened” you in the ocean. Your father and I took turns dipping your feet into the cold water, a sort of introduction to our love of the ocean. You didn’t like that cold water at all, but I don’t blame you- it was freezing. This was a ritual that I had planned since before you were born. We hope you love the ocean as much as we do.
I feel guilty that I’m physically unable to do more things with you because my recovery is going so slowly, because you LOVE people. Two weeks ago there was a “Welcome Ash” party at my mom’s house, and you were so well behaved- making eye contact with all of the new people and hardly fussing or crying at all. I thought it was coincidence until yesterday, your first Thanksgiving, when you seemed thrilled to be around people- everyone except your mom and dad. You stayed awake for hours, being passed around from person to person, your eyes wide open and charming the pants off everyone there. I wish we could spend more time with different people, and we will once I’m able to.
You love being carried in the ring sling, but aren’t that fond of the hotsling yet. You fall asleep every time you’re in the sling, and your fingers almost always grasp the edge of the fabric. You remind me of a little kangaroo. I love being able to look down at you, wrapped up and snug, and smell your soft head.
When you take a nap I miss you.
You’ve never enjoyed sleeping on your back, it’s always been your side, and even though they say newborns don’t have a lot of control over their bodies, you’ve always been able to roll yourself onto your side. I couldn’t keep you laying on your back if I tried. Your hands are near or on your face 99% of the time you’re sleeping, something I do too- which I get from my mom. I’m glad to see I’ve somehow passed down that trait to you.
Right from the first night together, I’ve had you sleep on top of me. When you were small enough, you would lay across my belly, with the boppy against your back, but now that you’ve grown, you sleep parallel to me, your head on my chest, your feet kicking at my pelvic bone. You especially love it if we’re both not wearing shirts- skin to skin contact is definitely a way to keep you happy. You fall asleep faster and deeper this way than when you’re alone, even if you’re just beside me in bed. I’ve learned to lay very still so as to not disturb you for hours at a time. I cherish these sleeps together. I never ever want them to end.
You’ve been a pretty good sleeper, outside of the night when you were ten days old, where you nursed constantly from 9pm until 6am. You tend to sleep for two 2-3 hour stretches at the beginning of the night, and then in one-hour stretches that can last up to five hours. Sometimes you’re awake for an hour and a half, sometimes it’s ten minutes. I haven’t figured out the secret to the ten minute sessions, but you seem to like being rocked in the glider rocker lately, so I’m going to keep doing that until you tire of it.
***
Things haven’t been easy, though. You suffered from a pretty severe diaper rash during your second week, which still hasn’t gone away even with steroid cream. I don’t know what caused it, or what’s keeping it there.
Sometimes you get so frantic nothing will calm you down except nursing, and unfortunately, you continue being frantic and eat too much too quickly and barf with extrodinary force and volume. I didn’t know how much liquid such a small baby could contain until you emptied your digestive system on the bed, down my shirt, on my lap, on my pillows.
The only way I’ve been able to solve this issue is by giving you a soother. I had absolutely no intention of introducing soothers- I think they’re terrible, but after weeks of not being able to do anything to calm you down when you get into these states, I had your dad go to Shoppers. He came home with two different kinds, and after a lot of trying to get you to take one, you did. Your entire body went limp and you looked strangely satisfied. It still takes you a full minute to get used to the type of sucking that soothers require, and more often than not, you’ll dry heave when I try to put one in your mouth. You don’t keep it in very long, only for a couple of minutes, but it does the trick, and you don’t barf everywhere.
The other major problem we have is your gas. It’s extremely painful for you, and it’s hard on us to have you cry nonstop with nothing we can do. We burp you after every feeding, I hold you upright to see if anything else will come up, I even cut out dairy products for a full week to see if that was upsetting you, but nothing changes. The only thing that seems to help is gripe water, which I don’t like giving you (but you seem to like the taste of), and other anti-gas baby liquids. You’re constantly gassy, from the bottom area, and struggling to get more out. It’s the biggest problem we’ve faced thus far, and nothing I do seems to make any difference. It hurts me to see you in so much discomfort.
***
You’ve changed so much in the past month. The white dots on your nose that you were born with have finally disappeared. Your eyelashes have grown in, and now you’re losing your hair on the top, similar to an old man’s. Baby acne has attacked your head and neck for the past week, and we’re just riding it out. It doesn’t seem to bother you, which is good. You’re also suffering from some dry skin on your white eyebrows and the top of your head. You’ve grown in length and now have a “Family Guy” double chin (thanks to your Aunt Ambera for coining that!). We get to weigh you in two days, but when you were 19 days old, you were already 9lbs 4oz, which is up from 7lbs 13oz from your birth day.
You have the chubbiest cheeks that I can’t help but kiss every day.
***
Ashden, you have turned my world upside down. Your father and I are absolutely infatuated with you. He’ll often look over at me, with you in his arms, and say, “I just love him so much” or “He’s so beautiful.” I feel lucky that I get to spend every day with you, that you are comforted by no one else like me, that you love to sleep on top of me and that you continue to be nourished by my body, even after exiting my womb.
You are absolutely amazing. I love you.
