The past couple of months have been a blur. A stressful blur full of “what? huh? pardon? whadyousay?” You are having some serious issues being able to hear, especially when there’s background noise like when you’re in the car or the bathtub. It was noticeable a couple of months ago, but it seems to be getting worse by the day and it’s scary. Your father and I have taken you to two doctors and are still waiting to be scheduled in to see a specialist. We’re both hoping it’s nothing serious, possibly brought on by an undiagnosed food sensitivity causing some fluid buildup in your ears, but we’re scared. Very, very scared.
I’ll say key words when I’m near you, things like, “Ash do you want some candy?” and I have to raise my voice in order for you to be able to hear me. It’s not like I’m whispering, it’s not like you’re far away- we’ll be beside each other and I’ll say it at a normal volume, and there’s absolutely no response from you at all. No acknowledgment that I just offered you candy, not a glance my way, not a “huh? wha?” from you, nothing.
Please be okay.
You’ve gained a lot of fine motor control over the past couple of months and have even started drawing- ACTUAL DRAWINGS! These are the first two recognizable things you ever drew: The first is a copy of my stick person (you added on another set of arms) and then a pair of boobs. We have your father to thank for that one…
Then, shortly after you drew these pictures you drew on the glass door a “person.” How cool! You did it all by yourself!
I have some big news. It’s taken more than 2.5 years, but you’re finally, FINALLLLY SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! All it took was for me to stop nursing at night… who knew? Yes, the night weaning process was slightly brutal and took too long, but I don’t look back at it with any ill feelings, even though you certainly had a hard time with it at first, and now it’s over and done with and it’s lovely. And we sleep better than ever. I don’t regret nursing on demand for all of those years, it felt right at the time and I stopped when I was tired of it. Also, for the record, I don’t feel ANY more well-rested now that I’m sleeping a solid seven or eight hours rather than being woken up every 1.5-2 hours for a quick nurse.
Nursing isn’t the cure-all like it used to be, though. It no longer puts you to sleep at night (though it does for your naps), and so I think it may be soon time to stop completely. I feel like it’s time (though I have been saying that for months now!).
It’s spring here now, and we’ve been planting in the garden and you’ve been very helpful with watering and watching the plants grow. I am excited for the summer so that we can go swimming and play outside more. You’re very good on your two-wheeler bicycle (with training wheels).
Your father and I love you so much. We love to see you grow and learn and mimic us (the other night we noticed that when I’d lift up the bun on my burger you’d do exactly the same thing seconds after looking at me do it… small things like that). I love to see you learn to read. I love to hear you talk about getting older, “on my next birthday, when I’m THREE, I’m going to get Bill and Ben, Percy, blue Sally and JAMES!!”
You never cease to amaze me, you’re the light in every single one of my days. I love you so much.
You’ve changed so much in the past two months, it’s hard to remember how you once were! You’re entirely a little boy now, full sentences, complete grasp on language, and your information-sponge brain is CRAZY COOL.
“Don’t say no, that’s not very nice!!” is what I hear about 10x a day, including if I’m just answering a question your father has asked me like, “did you read this book?” You say that sentence with such gusto and determination- especially when I’m telling you no when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to be, that we’ve had to start saying other things rather than no, such as “RED LIGHT!” (thanks, day care!) or moving your attention to something you are allowed to do. No one wants to hear the word no so often, so I don’t blame you.
Sometimes at night when I come to bed and you stir awake, or if you’re having a hard time falling asleep and I’m feeling especially patient, you and I will whisper. I’ll tell you a story from when I was a little girl, or we’ll talk about things that you like, like your toys. You’re completely captive, silent, still, and we focus on each other and I feel the bond between us growing stronger and stronger. I love this quiet time.
My mom told me that when her kids were about your age, her grandfather said to her that she didn’t know it yet, but this is the best time of her parenthood. I thought about that, and knew that my great-grandfather was right; you’re safe, I know where you are at all times, you’re too young to know how big and scary the world is, the things that make you the happiest are raisins and dinky cars. Your life is simple, beautiful, and because of that, so is mine.
You understand plays on language now, like if your father says “Value Village, not Val-ME Village!” You get a kick out of it! Same with “me too, me three” etc.
Your hobbies are still the same as they have been since you were six months old. Cars. Trucks. Trains. We went bowling with your uncle Jarrod in your 29th month, and with some help and not sticking to the three-ball rule, you scored higher than anyone else! We’re also really, really bad! You are getting better and better with knowing car names, car logos and now the makes of cars. When we’re driving, you’ll go “Ford. Honda. Mazda.” about all of the passing cars. You can tell what a brand new dinky car is just by the shape of it (which passes my knowledge of cars), proven the night that your uncle brought you a brand new yellow car, and your dad asked you, “look at this car and tell us what kind it is.” You studied the front (not seeing the logo) and confidently said, “Porche.” Easy. You’ve got a major collection of them now, and your favorite just happens to be a piece of crap plastic one with eyes that looks like it’s from the movie Cars. Of course. Thanks for that, Disney.
There were a few big snowstorms in the past couple of months, and you always love to come outside and help us with your little wooden shovel. Sometimes you last two minutes, sometimes 45. The snowstorm in the pictures below was the worst one of the year, and even though it doesn’t LOOK like that much snow, shovelling took us two hours!
Okay, here’s the parenting part of your newsletter, more importantly the breastfeeding part I know you’ll probably cringe at once you’re older: NO MORE NIGHT NURSING. We’re done! Kaput! Over! Finito!!! It was a loonnnng process to cut it out completely, but in the end, totally worth it and you are sleeping so much more soundly and I feel totally comfortable knowing that you had it for so long and I sacrificed so much sleep for your health for nearly 2.5 years, but I’m THRILLED that it’s over. It was hard on both of us, because you did get so sad when I first started trying to cut it out, and then you got so so so angry with me, but then you started getting used to being told no, not yet, soon, and eventually I stopped saying “soon” and just said no, and you didn’t complain, and then we were offically done with nursing after 7:30pm! You will still ask for it at least once while we’re sleeping, but I just say that the “milkies are sleeping” and you accept that pretty much without a fuss, and then we go back to sleep. Now, if I could get your hand away from cupping my boobs, I’d be happy!
You still nurse before bed, but we’re actually getting you to fall asleep without a boob in your mouth. Usually it’s with a dinky car or your two bears Cheswick and Maroon, I lay with you for a while after a short nursing session (there’s hardly any milk there, I don’t even let down anymore), and after a while I say, “one more minute and then I’m going to go” and you say “okay.” And then when I get up to go, you beg, “one more minute of cuddles!” and I stay for one more minute and then kiss you goodnight and tell you that I’ll be back soon and then we’ll cuddle all night long (to which you say, “yeah, cuddle all night long!”), and then you easily fall asleep alone, happy!
We bought you a big boy bed in February, and you started your night off in that bed, in your own room for about a week before you started fighting sleep so much that you wouldn’t go to sleep until 11pm. So, you’re not ready to leave the family bed. I’m a-ok with that, because the first night we started you off there I thought that I could keep you there until morning (theoretically) and you know what? I totally cried. So when it came time for me to go to bed, I picked you up, apologized to your dad, and brought you back into bed with me. The rest of the nights I promised you that I’d bring you back into the big bed again to help ease the transition, and you actually stopped fighting going to your big boy bed to sleep, but then as soon as you started refusing sleep, well, that was it for me. There’s plenty of time before you should sleep in your own bed, and I’m in no rush. Especially now that you’re sleeping all night long.
Last month we battled a pretty major flu. It kept you home from school for a week, and I think your dad was home from work for three days too. Your dad barfed on the floor, you just slept. The worst day was when you slept for 19 hours. You were awake from noon till 5pm, and that was it for the entire day. You didn’t talk, you didn’t move, you just sat or laid there. You did throw up once, and you did have a fever, but it was scary just because of how much you weren’t yourself. Seeing you ill is hard on everyone.
You can go to the bathroom by yourself now, you can pull your pants on and off, you even got changed into your pajama bottoms all by yourself this month, and even though it shouldn’t excite me this much, I was like, “HOLY MOTHER, ASH!!! You are AMAZING!!!”
Last month we did a few activities, like visiting the science center:
and go skating, which you liked just as much as you did last year:
and explore the icicles, which really are cool, even to me!
Now that the weather is warming up, I’m hoping we’ll have more days at the park, less time shovelling snow. I long for the days we spent at the playground, even though this winter was relatively snowless. You and I go to the library every week to pick up new books, which you listen to and memorize within two reads, and even though our weeks all tend to blend into one another, you never really seem bored. You really love to go to Value Village with your dad on Saturdays (and as a family on Sundays), you like to wade in the pool with me on Wednesdays (though you’re still pretty scared of the deep water and do not enjoy anything remotely like swimming), but we can’t wait to bring you to the lakes again, your dad wants to take you fishing, and it makes me realize how much of a little boy you are when I see you running and jumping and sliding down slides all by yourself now.
Your favorite foods are: raisins, cereal, goat’s cheese, kamut noodles (with tomato sauce or pesto), soy milk, mozzarella cheese, Vinta crackers, anything sweet, toast and tofu. You don’t eat a lot of vegetables. You’ve been taking a multi-vitamin for the past several months, and is always the first thing you in the morning, “Tiiiiiiime to geeeet uuuuuup. I want a bear vitamin!” and we’ve recently started you on some fish oil to get your omega 3s, because you weren’t getting them from any other source.
Your Nana keeps saying, “I can’t believe I’m having a conversation with him!” Sometimes, when I think about how far you’ve come, my mind is blown too. It’s gone by so fast, you’re such a big boy now, with real friends and likes and dislikes, with talents and interests. It’s so amazing to watch you grow and learn. You even spelled “up” last month. We were sounding out the word and I asked you which letters were in the word up and you said “U P!”
There aren’t two prouder parents than your dad and I.
You’re 28 months old today! Outside of Christmas, it’s been a pretty uneventful month, with us hunkering down and trying to make it through these cold days.
This month we made our very first snowman together, which you named “Frosty,” of course. You got a kick out of him, especially watching him melt in the warmer days following the snowstorm.
Christmas this year was fun and I spoiled you. Lots of cars and trucks, some knitted play food (a sandwich, a cookie, a strawberry- inspired by the fact that you’d bring me car tires piled high and tell me that it was a sandwich), a puzzle and your biggest present was a wooden parking garage. You were very excited to see it, and you’ve hooked it up to your train tracks and play with it as often as you can.
After our own little Christmas here at our house we went to my mother’s house, your Nana’s, with the rest of the family. Ambera and Oliver, Jarrod and Ellie (who are expecting their first baby this spring), and Nana and Dee. We opened more presents and ate dinner and played with toys.
This was the first Christmas I’ve been really excited for in years and years, and I know it’s just going to keep getting better. I love seeing the world from your eyes.
I had a week-long vacation between Christmas and New Years, so you and I got to spend a lot of quality time together. It was lovely. One of those days was really warm, so we packed everyone up and went to Peggy’s Cove. You really loved the lighthouse and waves (this was your second or third time there), and your dad was helping you “jump” over all the big rocks. You laughed the whole time.
This month you started the “watch me, mama!” phase as you do something random and make me watch you intently. I remember it well from my own childhood, but definitely not this early. I used to make my mom rate my dives into the water from 1-10 and cartwheels and whatever else. You don’t need anything like that (yet), but you enjoy my attention. You tend to be much more self-sufficient while you’re alone with your dad- he can leave you alone in your room while you play with cars and he surfs the internet or naps on the couch. When you’re with me, it’s all me, all the time. If I try to check my email, you drive your cars on my keyboard or directly in front of me, if not ON me.
You know a zillion songs. School taught you all a ton of carols, and you love Wheels on the Bus, Five Little Ducks, Do You Know the Muffin Man, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, the list goes on. Every single common song out there that’s meant for kids your age, you know it off by heart. You’ve also started singing, not just reciting.
In our basement is where you and your dad hang out in the mornings, and there’s a tricycle, wagon, bicycle with training wheels, your ride-on lawnmower that you got for Christmas from Nana and Dee and your beloved plasma car you got for your birthday. You’ve mastered it, and like pushing it with your feet more than how it was designed to work, and you’ve gotten fantastic at what you and your dad call the “power slide.” Your dad now makes you wear your helmet, which was this crazy ugly plastic and Styrofoam thing, until your dad spray painted it black and stenciled your name on it.
You also like to pretend to have fallen off your plasma car. Your father is very obviously concerned bout your well being.
We had a big snowstorm this month, and you really liked “helping” shovel, and so your dad bought you your very own little shovel, but here you are with a big one when you and I went out together.
One of my favorite things about you getting older is your ability to express yourself so that I get to learn more and more about who you are and how you feel. Your emotions are out there for everyone to see, right on the surface, ready to boil over, regardless of whether it’s tears or laughter.
My very favorite part of the day is when you come home from school in your father’s arms, and he sets you down on the kitchen floor, where I’m waiting, kneeling down with my arms outstretched, and you run into them with a huge smile and collapse into me with the weight of your entire body and a huge smile on your face, and I cover you with as many kisses as you’ll let me give you. I had no idea how much that moment meant to you as well until one day when I was on the telephone when you came home, and we missed our reuniting hug and then you wouldn’t speak to me or look at me for far too long. I promise to never miss another hug the instant you walk into the house after a long day of being away from me. You need it as much as I do.
I love you.
Okay, I missed last month. I’m sorry! I got so busy with my business (Pip Robins, just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about by the time you read this, or maybe I’ll be a multi-millionaire from cowl sales!) that working took precedence over writing your newsletter on time, and then when I went to write it I realized that ALL of my November 2009 photographs were somehow gone from the memory card on our main camera. And then I lost all my inspiration to write. I’m sorry.
Well, let’s see. I’ve got two months to cover here, so let’s get started.
You’re smart. Man, you are SMART. Your vocabulary in the past couple of months has grown from hundreds of words to thousands of words. You pick up on EVERYTHING we say and do. You can remember songs after hearing them only once or twice, you mimic our actions- see here in the picture below- you got ahold of my mascara and before I even realized what you were doing, you had APPLIED IT PROPERLY, TO YOUR EYELASHES. Granted, you got a little messy, but do you see that? Without me even realizing just how closely you must watch me while I do my makeup in the morning, you took the wand and applied mascara to your eyelashes. How could I even get mad at that? Genius, my son, genius.
It seems a little out of date now that it’s the 9th of December, but I have to talk about it: Hallowe’en. This month you celebrated your third-ever Hallowe’en and we dressed you as a lizard in a costume I got for $5 from the Salvation Army. Your father and I dressed as doctors, complete with masks that I made that very morning, as a shout out to the Swine Flu mass hysteria that’s happening around the world. You and your day care friends were even able to dress up during the day, and at night we and two other families went out trick or treating, which you loved.
So. WHY. Why? Why? Why? Why? You started saying “why” by the time I was finished writing your last newsletter two months ago, and now it is your answer for everything. It’s as if it’s a knee-jerk reaction, everything we say is followed with a “why” and then another “why” and then another and another and another. We will answer you until we don’t know the answer anymore because it’s how you’re going to learn things, right? Sure, it’s a tad annoying sometimes, but it’s cute and you’re learning, so how could I complain. I wouldn’t mind if you toned it down, maybe just a little.
These past couple of months you’ve becoming increasingly into reading books. You’d rather sit on our laps and read books than do anything else, maybe even including watching YouTube videos of Franklin the Turtle. You and I have started going to the library at least once a week on one of our days off together, and while you play with the toys I seek out new books for us to read. You are able to memorize them within a couple of times of reading them, and love it when we stop midway through a sentence so you can finish it for us. Right now your favorite book is The Jungle Book and Bambi, but a couple of months ago all you wanted to read was Franklin the Turtle. We’ve read every single one of them that the library offers about a hundred times each.
You still love cars of course. And you love to line them up on the table, like this:
When it was still nice outside, you and your dad would often go for walks/rides outside. Now we’re confined to the basement, and your father got you a HUGE bike (it would probably fit a four year old better) for a good price second hand, and he put some training wheels on it. You can JUST reach the pedals, and you ride around as fast as you can down there. It’s such a big bike that you could easily fall off and hurt yourself, so we make you wear your helmet. You don’t mind.
In mid-October we took a family trip to the same zoo we went to last year, Oaklawn Zoo, where they have all kinds of animals- everything from Zonkeys to Camels to deer to pigs. Your favorite animal? The concrete cow. We could hardly get you away from it, even though MY favorite animal exhibit was just right around the corner (the family of monkeys with the nursing baby!)
In early November it snowed, and that was exciting for you. It didn’t last long and the snow didn’t come back for another month, but it actually made me a little excited to be able to go outside with you and play as you get older.
At school you get to do a lot of artwork, drawing and painting. At home we have the supplies but are often busy with other things. You did ruin our kitchen table in one swift move while I turned my back for 1.23432 seconds, you grabbed my pen and with all of your 28lb force, managed to carve a nice L shaped line in blue into the tabletop. This is exactly why I bought a table and chair set that cost $114. I expect these things of you. You like to take your markers and draw on your face, and call yourself a kitty. I believe you think you’re drawing whiskers.
One morning this week you built a huge tower of blocks all on your own. Not one iota of help from me. You were so pleased with yourself!
To follow up to the last newsletter, where I said that you were fully potty trained: I have put away every single one of your diapers and you have still (knock on wood) not had an accident at night. And recently you’ve even started going to the potty by yourself, at school and at home, and have finally figured out how to pull up and down your pants over that plump little bottom of yours (which you get from your dad, definitely not from me), which is even MORE wonderful! (However, you did come home in a completely new outfit from school the other day when you went by yourself and forgot the “tucking” step of going to the potty and soaked your pants AND your shirt. There’s obviously a learning curve!)
You’re pretty incredible, I have to say. You love to sing lots and lots of songs, Christmas carols and kids songs like Itsy Bitsy, you know your alphabet inside and out, you know every single one of the letters and what sound they make. And even more exciting- you started COUNTING things this month. You have been able to count for many months, but you never knew when to stop, or what counting actually meant. But a couple of weeks ago I was taking apart a Clementine for you, and you counted every piece (13 of them) as I laid them down on the plate, without missing a beat. It was if something finally clicked, and now you’re successfully counting things all the time.
You can do your age 3+ puzzle basically on your own- your attention span lasts one or two vehicles (it’s a large floor puzzle with an ice cream truck, fire truck, ambulance etc) at a time, but if you could focus for long enough, you could do the whole thing on your own. You are understanding how puzzles work more and more- lining up the pictures, not just jamming things in all willy nilly.
The point is, is that when people ask you how you are, I always say, “Oh, ya know, smart.” You never cease to amaze us. Every single day you just get smarter and smarter and smarter and I feel like such a lucky person to be raising a child who is this easy. Sure, you don’t sleep through the night, sure, you have temper tantrums, sure, you get into things that you’re not supposed to, but overall, if we pay the attention to you that you need and deserve, you’re amazing.
You make me feel so lucky to be your mom. I cannot imagine my life without you in it, I cannot remember what it was like not to have this much love in my heart. You are my everything. I miss you whenever I’m away from you, my heart aches when I’m at work and I feel jealous that your teachers get to see you so much, especially when I know they don’t think you’re as special as I do. Sometimes I get so angry at myself for going back to work and missing so much of this time in your life because you’re learning and growing at such an incredible rate. I just hope that you’re happy. Please be happy.
Dear Ash,
You’re 25 months old today! This has been a wonderful month, and I can’t wait to tell you about it.
The month started with a bang, or rather- a pop, because you we had a birthday party here with all of your friends! There was food and helium balloons (hence the “pop”) and toys and presents, even though we requested that there were none. Your favorite present was given to you by your friend Frances, a book called Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel. I think, between your father and I, you have been read this book about 50 times this month, with no signs of letting up or getting bored. You AB-SOL-ULTELY love it. Granted, it’s a nice book, but I would be happy to never have to read it again. Reading any book that many times gets a little boring! Actually, a few days ago we went to the library to get some new books to read, and what did you find, but another copy of Mike Mulligan and wouldn’t leave without it.
Mike Mulligan has brought out a whole bookworm side to you that has never really been there at this capacity before. I have always, always read to you- even when you were an infant. Here you are at about 2.5 months old with one of your first books (and the rooster crowing in the background is another book):
Anyway, we’ve always had a good collection of books, and when I was home with you we read every day, and now your father or I read to you every day, but you’ve reached a whole new level of wanting to read. You’d rather read than do ANYTHING else, including play on your tricycle or plasma car, play with your cars or dump truck, eat, whatever. You got some money for your birthday, and it went to second-hand books too. Our new favorite activity is going to the library and seeking out new favorites. I’ve actually been able to put away your “baby” books because you can sit and listen to the same story for 20 minutes, as long as it’s good. Your favorite books that I bought second hand are anything Franklin the Turtle. I think I found half a dozen of them, and you like them all. They’re your favorite potty books.
Speaking of pottys: THE CLOUDS HAVE PARTED, ANGELS ARE SINGING, ALL OF MY HARD WORK ECing WASN’T FOR NOTHING, YOU ARE POTTY TRAINED!!!
At two years and two weeks, I officially (via Facebook and Twitter) declared you potty trained, after sending you to school without a diaper on and you had no accidents. It took you a couple of days to get fully used to it, but it’s been two weeks now since any accidents, and even at night time and during naps you’re staying dry (the odd time asking in the middle of the night to go pee) and I am SO happy that you’re potty trained during the day, but this night time stuff is blowing my mind. You used to need a three-layer hemp insert to last you through all your pees at night, and even now- with the same amount of nursing, you’re able to hold it for a lot longer.
[For those of you who are interested, potty training worked like this for us:
1. All summer was diaper-free time whenever we were home. It only took about four days of a few accidents (pee) on the floor before he clued in that he should pee on the potty.
2. Lots of reminding him not to pee on the floor, the chair, in his pants. He still says to himself, “no peeing on the floor!” “No peeing on the table!” “No peeing on the cat!” (the last two are his own creations, haha.)
3. At first, we’d stop reminding him not to pee when he was wearing a diaper, but eventually we started asking him not to pee in his diaper. It didn’t really work- something happens in his brain that says that when he’s wearing a diaper, it’s okay to pee.
4. I bought a pair of cloth training pants (Mother-Ease if anyone is wondering) and told him that they were his big boy underwear and that he wasn’t supposed to pee in them. They didn’t work for us. They triggered his brain just like a diaper did and he’d pee in them.
5. We bought real “Big Boy” underwear and he started wearing them at home. Accidents still sometimes happened, and he needed to pee every 20-30 minutes for at least a month. It was annoying, but he didn’t have the muscle strength to go much longer and I knew it wouldn’t be forever.
6. If we asked if he needed to pee, he’d ALWAYS say no, but we’d put him on the potty anyway, and most times it resulted in him peeing.
7. I always paid attention to his cues- was he grabbing his penis? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. Was he holding his butt? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. Did I have a feeling? GET HIM ON THE POTTY. I ignored nothing.
8. After a while of having great success with big boy underwear at home, I took him shopping without a diaper on. I reminded him that he wasn’t wearing a diaper and that if he needed to pee, to tell me. And we spent all afternoon out, with using a public pool’s toilet and a toilet at the mall!
9. The last step was having him go to school with just a few changes of clothes and no diapers, and telling the teachers how often he needed to be asked. After the first day with lots of accidents, his teacher set her watch to beep every 30 minutes, and she took him to the potty. And then, things slowly started changing. He was able to hold it longer. He started going up to his teachers and asking to pee or poop. And now, we have no accidents, and lots of communicating back and forth about whether or not he needs the potty.
10. BOOKS were key to get him to sit on the potty long enough that he could poop. Sometimes we read to him, sometimes he’s okay to sit by himself and look at the pictures, or try to retell the story to himself.
11. I didn’t over-praise him, I have a “pooping on the potty, havin’ a potty party!” song, and I do tell him that he did a good job telling me that he needed to go, but other than that, we try not to make a huge deal about it. We didn’t do stickers or rewards. We really avoided calling his poop “gross” or “stinky” because I didn’t want him to feel any amount of shame or embarrassment. We followed his cues and it took several months, but it was hardly painful at all.
Patience and routine worked best for us.]
Can I just take a moment and brag about how smart you are? You’ve known your alphabet for months now, but you find entertainment in saying it really, really fast. The whole way through, no missed letters, nothing. Your father introduced you to a Leapfrog video (on his sister’s recommendation) called “The Letter Factory” and after watching it THREE times, you memorized each sound that every SINGLE letter makes. It also helped you remember what every letter looks like- you knew a lot of them, but not all of them, and now there’s no question that you know ALL of them. You’ll be reading in no time!
The weather’s cooling off now and so we’re not able to do so many things outside, but we did get to take a family trip to a wildlife park this month. Your favorites were the raccoons and skunks, but we got to see a moose up really close for a long time, and that was wonderful- and was the animal that I was most excited about seeing. It was somewhere that my mom and grandmother brought me when I was a little girl, and although I only have small fractions of memories from it, it’s a nice thought that I’m able to bring my own son there too.
For the most part, you’re a really well behaved child. You usually do what I ask, even if it takes a few times of me asking in different ways, but because you’re basically on a sugar-free diet, you’re not climbing the walls or hyperactive, which makes life with you very pleasant. One day, however, while I was on the phone with my boss, you got very quiet. I found you in the bathroom with the entire roll of toilet paper unraveled in the toilet. I knew that day was coming, and I had an inkling that morning that if it was going to be ANY day, it was going to be THAT day because you’d shown an interest in putting toilet paper in the toilet between your legs just a few hours prior. As I was taking pictures, you decided that it was a great time to flush, so I had to reach in, without a second though, and grab a huge handful of that soggy, disgusting toilet paper so that the flush wouldn’t clog the toilet. Yuck. Then, because I didn’t have anywhere to put it (no garbage with a leak-proof bag), I just put it in the bathtub (!). I guess your dad finally did away with it, because I never saw nor heard of it again. Your dad is a good man.
Nights are the same as they always are, but this month has been great for you sleeping all evening without waking. One evening, your father and I found you here, off your bed and in the closet where you’d landed on some of my underwear and your father’s swimming trunks. We laughed our heads off.
And even though this is a very intimate part of our life, I wanted to record it because I don’t know how much longer it will last, or if I’ll be able to remember just what you sound like in the middle of the night. For the past couple of months you’ve been quite verbal at night, asking and whining for milk and cuddles- whereas before I’d just sense that you were stirring and give you the boob, but now you immediately vocalize your needs. When I’m asked when you’re going to get your own room or when I’m going to stop nursing, I tell people that it’s up to you. This is my proof that you’re nowhere near ready yet.
Your best friend is still Sam. You guys just adore each other. I love seeing how excited you both get when you spot one another. Sam’s first instinct is to run towards you, and your first instinct is to run AWAY, almost as if you can’t stand the sight of him because you’re so excited.
You and I have been alone for a few days, your dad is in NJ on business, and I thought I’d be really worn out and be annoyed at being the only parent, but you know what? I’ve surrendered to this responsibility, and I feel like you and I have laughed together more usual. I ENJOY having you all to myself. I ENJOY getting up in the mornings with you. I ENJOY every single second with you, having our meals together- just you and I. Sure, we both miss your dad, and drop offs at day care are extremely hard for both of us, but I really feel lucky to have all of this time together. You’ve skipped naps two days in a row at daycare which means you’re ready to sleep much earlier than you usually are, and I actually find myself sad that you have to go to sleep so soon, because I just want to see more of you.
Ash, your smile makes me feel so good. So good about being a parent. So good about my relationship with your dad. So good about the world. I look at this smile, this smile that was brought on by a stupid Christmas fridge magnet, and it reminds me that there is hidden happiness is everything, and sometimes it takes an innocent two year old to see it. I feel so lucky that I have you to open my eyes.
You’re 24 months old today! You’re “two yea-ol” as you say. I can’t believe you’re two already. You’re getting to be such a big little kid.
This month has been full of changes. It went from summer to fall, we moved houses and you’re potty trained!
August was fun, and there was lots of outside time as we soaked up the last bits of summer. There were trips to the beach and playground and we had a wonderful time playing together. I’m going to miss the summer months now that we’re heading into autumn and then winter- summer is so much more fun now that you’re old enough to do things and we, as adults, have a great excuse to take the day off and spend it outside.
On August 20 we moved- hopefully for the last time for the next couple of years- into a huge old house. You sensed the upcoming change and had a hard time going to sleep at night, and there were many nights where you’d fight it until 11 or 12. It was hard on both of us- I had so much packing to do and you need those precious hours of sleep, but luckily you’re pretty well behaved at night when you know you’re not supposed to be awake. It’s about the only time recently when you’re awesome at solo play. You used to be fantastic at playing by yourself, but since you started daycare and we don’t get to see you very much, when you’re home you tend to need a lot of attention.
The transition into our new house went well. It’s much bigger than our old house so you would get lost for about the first week, and turn around in circles and say, “where’d the basement go?” or “where’d the bedroom go?” You have your own room now, a place that’s mainly somewhere to store your toys, and you’re still sleeping with us. We kept you in our bed for the first few days, trying to make the transition smoother so you wouldn’t get scared or confused about where you were, but now you sleep most of the night on your little mattress beside our king size bed. You sleep SO MUCH BETTER there, it’s amazing. We went from waking up every 1.5 hours a night to waking up once at 3am and 6am for a quick nurse and then back to sleep. You even slept through the night THREE more times since last month, bringing up your grand total to four times in your entire life. I’m in no rush to move you out of our bed, I love-love-love snuggling you if you do come up into the big bed, and I love knowing you’re there, safe and sound, a couple of feet away from me. And you like it too. Remember last month when you were able to fall asleep without me being in the room? Yeah, you don’t do that anymore. I’m hoping this is part of the transition into the new house and that you’re going to be able to do it again (SOON, please) .
You’ve um, started acting two… and then this happened. I’m not going to say anything more, for fear that acknowledging it will make it happen more often:
All summer we’ve had you go diaper-free while you’ve been at home, trying to fully potty train you, and I must say that it’s been working. Skipping training pants (we do have one pair of cloth training pants that you just end up using as a diaper) and moving slowly into big boy undies was our ticket to success, and now you’re even going to day care without a diaper on. You still wear one for naps and overnight, but the end is near, and it feels great. Because we’ve been putting you on the potty since you were three months old I feel done with it and just want it to be over. Never do I regret ECing with you, the less poopy diapers I have to clean the better, in my opinion, but it’s about time.
Your speech is getting more and more advanced, and now you speak in full sentences, using the words “I” and “and” and things like that. What used to be, “no school!” is now, “I don’t wanna go to school.” What used to be, “poop in da potty” is now, “I need to poop in the potty, no pooping on the floor, no pooping on the mat.” It’s pretty awesome to watch it happening, changing every day. You know your full alphabet, you’re starting to recognize the letters when seeing them in print, you can count to thirty with a little help and it’s amazing. Your teachers are impressed that you know all your animals (you’ve been able to tell the difference between a rhino and a hippo for months now) and their sounds, all the cars and their logos and you can sometimes even tell what kind of car it is just by the curves it has! You and I were out for a walk this month and you said, “a Porsche!” about a car that you’d never seen before, and lo and behold, as I read the back of the car (because I sure as hell don’t know about these things), it said Porsche.
One thing we realized this month is that you’re quickly growing out of your current book collection. You’ve started being able to sit for twenty minutes reading real books, not just baby board books with simple pictures and a simple storyline (if any at all). So soon we hope to stock up on a lot more advanced books for you.
This month I’ve tried to put everything else aside on our days together. One day specifically you and I had a wonderful day, full of handmade playdough and examining bugs and a trip to the playground. I feel so lucky to be your mom, but it’s easy to get caught up in errands and responsibilities and work on my days off, and you’re the one who suffers most. At the end of the day, after putting you to bed, I will still look at pictures of you, or videos of you, and miss you even though I just saw you ten seconds ago. It’s not enough, and sometimes I feel like I’ve got my life sorted and it’s balanced between being home with you and giving you a nice social life at school, but this month was hard and you started disliking school and clinging to us. I hope we figure something out soon because your happiness is my number one concern.
I have to say that this month has been amazing, mostly because of how well you’re able to communicate the things you want and how you’re feeling. Listening to you speak and realizing how much you actually HEAR and PROCESS is absolutely amazing. Sometimes if you hear a new word, you repeat it and it’s as if it goes into a vault and it’ll come out again- being used properly- without any more effort on your part. It’s so fascinating. All of the other perks of this month- the good sleeps, the lack of diapers etc have all been great, but being able to talk to you more than I ever have in your life trumps them all.
Dear Ash,
You’re 23-months old today and officially a “big boy,” or so you say. If anyone dares call you a “little boy” or a “baby” you will quickly correct us, that NO, you are a BIG BOY. Okay, okay, Big Boy, I apologize!
This month has been fun! We’ve spent a LOT of time outside, weekends as a family at the beach, Saturdays at the playground and/or lake with your dad, riding your tricycle around the neighbourhood, playing in the backyard while we barbque, you name it, we’ve really been enjoying the outdoors as summer has finally hit. You love the beach, going up to your waist in the water and playing with the sand. You’re not a fan of actually swimming, even though we’ve exposed you to lots of pools in your life, but it’ll come. Your dad and I are both water babies, so it’ll come. I’m not pressuring you.
You’re completely potty trained now, at home, as long as you don’t have a diaper (or any other bottoms) on. This is huge! You will go to the potty by yourself if you feel the need to- you’ll just tell me, “no peeing on the floor” or “need to poop” or sometimes I’ll hear you from the other room that “Ash is peeing on the green potty!” and I won’t need to help you or anything, you’ll just come back to me and say, “all done” or “peed on the potty!” If you’re bottomless, there’s never, ever an accident. It’s fantastic and I’m so proud of you. You’ve even started really asking for the potty at school, rather than just going in your diaper, and your teachers are also proud of you (and thrilled, I imagine, that they don’t have as many poopy diapers to clean up).
You started to love to “sing” this month, even if there’s no tune to go along with your songs- you like to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and your ABCs especially. You’re great with remembering most of the words, in order, and the same goes with the alphabet. Sometimes you get mixed up and even stick some numbers and random sounds in there, but often times you get it almost 100% correct!
Something fantastic happened this month that really was straight out of left field and completely caught me off guard: you started being able to fall asleep without me being there. One night, after nursing you as usual, you didn’t fall asleep and I didn’t want to lay in the dark with you for any longer, so I told you I was going to leave and that it was time to go to sleep and I’d see you soon. I kissed you on the forehead and left the room. And you didn’t complain. Not a peep. And a few minutes later I went in and there you were, asleep.
So we tried it the next night. I nursed you like usual, said goodnight and then got up to leave. You asked for another cuddle, but I said it was time to go to sleep and then I left the room. No complaining again, and you fell asleep on your own! We’ve done it this way most nights (Friday and Saturday nights are the hardest, after a week of not seeing me as much as you’d like, you’re pretty clingy and want lots and lots and lots of cuddles) for the past two weeks, and it’s fantastic. Not only is it great to see you break the habit of needing a boob in your mouth to go to sleep (giving me hope for whenever you want to stop nursing), but it’s nice to see you be a bit more independent at nighttime and it allows me a bit more time alone in the evenings too.
That’s not all, on the sleep front… there was one day, mid-way through this month, that you only had a 30-minute nap and asked to go to bed (“milk, in bed”) early- around 6:30pm, and much to my surprise, you SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. I came to bed at 11ish, and nursed you in your sleep (seeing as I’m addicted to that hormonal rush that nursing gives me, otherwise I can’t fall asleep), and I woke up with a jolt at 5am, made sure you were still breathing and then I fell back to sleep. I woke up at 7:11, with you half on your mattress and half on ours, and you were STILL SLEEPING. I had to wake you up! It hasn’t happened since, but by god, it was amazing.
You’ve been nursing less at night recently, only once at 11 (that’s my choosing), and usually only once around 4:30 or 5am. You actually had me in a bit of a panic there for about a week, thinking you were losing interest- you don’t nurse during the day and because you don’t need me to fall asleep anymore and cut down dramatically on your nursing at night, I thought you might be done nursing all together soon… but then you changed it up again and are as interested as ever. My goal is two years, as it always has been, and as long as we make it to your second birthday, I’ll be happy.
Your sentences are becoming more complete, you started speaking in the first person instead of the third and you talk ALL THE TIME. ALLLLLLLLLL THEEEEEEEEEE TIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEE. It makes me realize how much you actually see, how much you can remember, how much of a complete and utter SPONGE your brain is. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch. I love seeing you learn. I love being surprised that you remembered a word we taught you weeks ago and haven’t used since- having it pop up in normal conversation, as if we’ve been practicing it- it’s amazing.
We bought you a tricycle a couple of months ago, and you’ve finally gotten enough strength in your legs to ride it. When you first got it, you’d push it with your feet on the ground, but now you can ride like you’re supposed to. You go around the house every day, you ride it to the playground and to visit me at work. You’re growing up! Soon it will be time for a real bicycle with training wheels.
This may be later than some kids, but this month your imagination has started to explode. Though you’ve played with cars on the couch and trains on their tracks, you’ve never really acted out and verbalized imaginative things until this month. I’m sure that when you drive your cars on the couch that you’re enacting some kind of story in your mind, but we don’t hear car noises or anything coming from you… but this month when we’ve been reading the same books we’ve read for your entire life, you’ve suddenly started “eating” the food in the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar, or “throwing” the balls in the pictures, or “flying” the airplanes that you see. I can’t wait to see this part of you flourish, as I’m sure it will.
This has been a fantastic month. We’ve had a lot of fun together, sometimes just you and I, sometimes just you and your dad, and sometimes the three of us as a family.
I know I say this every month, but I can’t help it: You’re one incredibly special person, one who makes my eyes water just at the thought of how much I love you. I love writing these monthly newsletters because it makes me realize how far you’ve come in such a short period of time. I’m glad I’ve documented it all, mostly because it makes me realize how quickly you change and it really makes me appreciate you who are NOW, since I know by next week you’ll be a slightly different version than you were today. You’re so smart and so special and I feel so lucky to be your mom. Thank you for showing me what real love feels like.
